Students who have the following personal qualities are much more likely to thrive in college. 

• Self-awareness and self-acceptance
• Proactivity as opposed to reactivity
• Perseverance
• Skill in setting short and long-range goals
• Use of effective support systems
• Strong emotional coping strategies

Understanding a student’s rights in college

Individuals with special learning needs are guaranteed special supports in elementary and high school by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act.  However, in college, no such guaranteed protections exist.  Therefore, students need to work congenially with colleges to obtain reasonable accommodations that will facilitate their success.

It is best to have psychological and/or educational testing that was completed less than 3 years before applying to college because colleges usually demand recent testing to support a petition for accommodations.

Students will need to inform the college of their educational needs by registering with the office on campus that is in charge of reviewing and granting accommodations.  This office goes by names such as Disabled Student Support Services or Office of Special Services.

Typical “reasonable accommodations” that colleges may decide to grant include:

• Extra time to take tests
• Providing a note taker
• Taking tests in a separate room
• Test read orally to the student and/or the student’s answers transcribed or typed
• Use of tape recorder to record lectures
• Tutoring services (some colleges have tutoring geared for students with special needs, however, most colleges have tutoring available to all students—check both sources)
• Taking a reduced class load
• Requesting “full-time” status for purposes of qualifying for health insurance when taking a reduced course load

Instructors and professors have the power to make decisions that can help students be more successful.  The following are some modifications a student may be able to negotiate on a case-by-case basis:

• Obtaining the instructor’s permission to modify an assignment or getting extra time to complete the assignment
• Asking for advice about selecting classes or instructors
• Asking the instructor to award an incomplete rather than an “F”—but be aware of the college policy in regard to “clearing” the “I”

Action steps a student should take to build a solid college support network:

• Think through what kind of support you’d like to have from your parents and friends and express your needs before you go to college
• Think about the kind of academic support you’ll need (for example, will you need tutoring) and make plans to set this up
• Don’t suffer in silence—speak out, reach out when you need to
• Get professional, trained help when you need it:  tutors, doctors, etc.

Self-advocacy steps

Successful students understand themselves well.  They know their strengths and they have developed ways to minimize the effects of their weaknesses.  They also have a clear idea of their short-range and long-term goals, and are committed to meeting these goals.

These self-advocacy steps will help students obtain the supports they need, not only from others but from themselves as well!

• Have a clear plan to graduate in a certain time frame and set your schedule to realistically accomplish this plan
• Logically plan the kind of support you need to give to yourself!
• Meet with your teachers regularly
• Don’t wait until things get bad to see you need a different approach; if it isn’t working—try another approach
• Pause, think and reflect before diving in—avoid the “Opps! and regret”
• Remember:  resistance and avoidance stunt maturity; meet challenges had on and don’t be afraid to make mistakes
• Evaluate and think through setbacks—they are the teachers of success!
• Success is a consistent mindset that says “I can do this, I will do this!”
• Everything goes better when you get enough sleep and eat more healthy foods
• Plan ahead on how to manage stress, loneliness, and change
• Seek balance in all things—academics, relationships, pursuit of interests, career development, spiritual growth
• Seek out stabilizing forces (people, classes, work experiences, living arrangements, etc.)
• As soon as you identify a problem surfacing in a class, figure out how to remove it from your path
• Make better time estimates; after you figure out how long you think it will take you to do what you need to do, multiply that by as least 150%
• Keep your long-term, personal goals front and center in your mind, guiding you through the tough times!
• Reward yourself for meeting your deadlines and achieving your goals!

Study Skills

Students who master study skills and use their strengths to learn succeed in college.  Try these tips:

• Set up a realistic study schedule and keep to it!!!!  Don’t let spontaneity ruin your completion of college
• Frequently review and critique your study approaches to find what is working and emphasize that
• Don’t put off the “boring” or unpleasant tasks; doing so will leave you unprepared and can destroy your grade; find a way to see the value it brings to you as a person or as a professional
• Take frequent, short breaks when your attention fades
• Keep a calendar and an assignment book; record all due dates, test and quiz dates, etc. and schedule study/work sessions by backward planning
• Work with classmates who are strong students and stay on track
• While reading, stop frequently to retell the main idea and details in your own words
• As you read, take notes, jot down questions and related ideas, and make mental pictures of the material to increase your comprehension and retention
• Read the material before you go to the lecture; bring notes or an outline and fill in added material as you listen
• Ask for clarification in class if you miss details; increase your concentration during difficult listening situations

Sadly, most do not. Only about 57 percent of students with disabilities graduate from high school, and only about 10 to 15 percent of those graduating attend college.

What are some reasons students succeed in college? How can parents help their child be among those who accomplish this challenging undertaking?

Parental expectations are a key factor
Children who are raised with the belief that they have the skills to be successful at the college of their choice, if they desire to pursue a college education, have a great advantage! They prepare all of their lives for the experience of college. All through their school years they make powerful decisions that lay the foundation for college success.

Students who believe they will be successful college students study more, they have higher grades, and they seek the guidance of mentors who can guide them to develop strong skills. They “play full out” in school, taking challenging classes and honing their academic skills.

The type of mentoring children receive from their parents is the genesis of the personal coping beliefs and habits that ensure college success. Parents lay the foundation of academic achievement from the moment their child is born. Parents who mentor and support their child all through their lives to believe in their innate intelligence and skill encourage the kind of decisions good students face every day as they pursue their path through the huge array of facts, procedures, skills and habits that support the ultimate acquisition of academic literacy.

When mentored to know he or she will be successful, a student develops personal attributes that support success. Research by the Frostig Center in Pasadena, California provides some insight into these qualities.

Personal qualities that support academic success
Students who have the following personal qualities are much more likely to thrive in college. You can read more detailed descriptions of the qualities that insure college success here.

• Self-awareness and self-acceptance
• Proactivity as opposed to reactivity
• Perseverance
• Skill in setting short and long-range goals
• Use of effective support systems
• Strong emotional coping strategies

Taking specific action increases the likelihood of succeeding in college
Students need to be aware of specific action steps they should take to increase the probability they will be admitted to and graduate from the college of their choice.

Ideally, parents and children should begin to take specific action steps by the time the student reaches 8th grade. For the student, this involves taking the most challenging classes available, while maintaining strong grades and a great attitude toward academics. Completing extra or optional assignments in classes to stretch his or her knowledge, and pursuing activities about which the student is passionate such as sports, artistic, and/or volunteer experiences builds the self-confidence, proactive mindset and time management skills that characterize highly successful students.

Parents should encourage their child to learn from successful adults who are rich sources of information about the nature of their careers, the training they completed, and the strategies they use to be successful. Family friends, teachers, coaches, and neighbors are valuable allies to a student who is eager to learn about the kinds of opportunities available to them as adults.

Students should explore the world of work through paid jobs, internships, and volunteering. They will learn about the working conditions of specific jobs, develop the perseverance needed to commit to a challenging endeavor, and learn valuable interpersonal skills such as cooperation and functioning within an environment that requires meeting high expectations.

It is necessary for students to take a proactive role in their school careers. They should learn how to communicate their strengths and needs to adults. They should attend their IEP meetings and advocate on their own behalf.

Transition planning
Students who qualify under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act are entitled to receive support services that help them make a transition from high school to postsecondary activities. These services may include coursework, related services, community experiences, development of results-oriented employment and/or adult living objectives in their IEPs, and a functional living skills assessment, when warranted.

Beginning when the student is 14 years of age, the IEP team must consider services that are designed to facilitate the student’s transition to adult living. At the age of 16, the IEP team is required to include results-oriented objectives, matched to a student’s postsecondary goals, that provide support to transition to adult living.

Parents should work with their school’s special education coordinator to determine the range of services available, and express their opinions about services and experiences they would like to have provided for their child.

Summary of performance
Students who are eligible to receive special education services are legally entitled to receive a Summary of Performance (SOP) during their final year in high school. The school district is required by federal law (Individual with Disabilities Education Act of 2004) to provide to high school seniors who will be graduating with a regular diploma, a summary of their academic achievement and functional performance. This information will be used by colleges as a basis to determine accommodations granted to a student.

The school district may use their own format to document a student’s strengths and needs. It is very advantageous to a parent to have a template that illustrates the kind of information a complete SOP should contain. It is advantageous to have a history of specific accommodations that were provided in high school and to include these in the SOP. Parents can download a copy prepared by a national coalition of disability rights organizations here.

~~~~~~
Only a small percentage of students with special learning needs attend college, but parents have the opportunity to insure that their child is one of the successful ones. The most valuable step parents can take is to mentor their child to believe in their intelligence and talents and know in their heart they can meet the challenge of obtaining a college education. This belief supports the effective action steps that parents and students take throughout their school career to ensure a college diploma.

Children with special needs may become the victim of a bully.  If your child has been, or is, being victimized, he or she feels alone, unsafe and may even feel the victimization is justified.  The effects of bullying impact mental and physical health and academic performance, often for many years after the actual incidents occur.

Who is a bully and what is bullying

Only about 15 to 20 percent of children are ever involved in bullying, either as a victim or as the bullying child.  Bullies are children who have not developed the typical internal restraint system that other children have.  Male bullies tend to favor physical aggression, while female bullies tend to strike at a victims’ social standing and friendships.

Bullies begin their pattern of aggressive behavior at an early age, and continue the pattern of intimidation for many years.  A famous Norwegian psychologist who pioneered the study of bullying and how to stop it, Dr. Dan Olweus, identified three basic elements of bullying—bullying involves: 1) a pattern of aggressive behavior, 2) from a child in a position of power directed towards a child in a weaker position, 3) with the intention to do harm.

Why does a child become the victim of a bully

Up until about age seven bullies pick on anyone.  Between the ages of eight and 16, bullies target specific kids.  Those who become targets are more sensitive, cautious, and quiet than other kids, and more anxious. They also have a negative view of violence, withdrawing from confrontations of any kind and crying when threatened or attacked.  When confronted, they are gripped with fear.

The effect of bullying on a child can be loneliness, poor health, depression, anxiety and poor learning

Being bullied leads to feeling anxious which then increases the child’s vulnerability to further victimization because bullies single out anxious kids.  The difficulty victims have in sticking up for themselves seems to make other kids uncomfortable, and gradually, victims of bullying are rejected by their peers and become increasingly isolated and lonely.  Research shows that social isolation and rejection cause severe stress.

Children being bullied dread going to school and have stress-induced illnesses such as stomachaches, and headaches.  Even after the bullying ends, children who have been bullied are prone to depression and negative self-concept.

It is becoming more clear that children who are victimized have had limited practice in handling conflict.  Children need to be given opportunity to solve their own problems.  Over-protective parenting can erode a child’s critical problem-solving skills.  However, overly strict discipline techniques have the same effect because they limit a child’s chances to learn how to interact and deal with disagreements and conflict.

How to Handle a Bully

Most of the following tips come from an article published in Psychology Today by Hara Estroff Marano.

What Children Can Do:

• Avoid bullies.  Walk away.  Play with a friend.
• Use humor to block an attack, for example, “Look, Johnny, cut it out.  I don’t want you to be late for school.”
• Or tell the bully assertively, “Get a life. Leave me alone.” And walk away. This may be the best defense for girls.
• In general, seek out friendly children with whom you have something in common and build friendships with them.

What Parents Can Do:

• Give your child plenty of opportunities to develop his or her skills and competencies.  Talk with your child about his/her gifts and strengths.  Enroll your child in classes or groups that develop competencies in activities that are valued by peers.
• Ask your children how peers treat them. Children often are ashamed to bring up the subject. Parents must.
• Teach your child assertive behavior. The real first line of defense against a bully is self-confidence.
• Help your child come up with a set of clever verbal comebacks to be used in the event of victimization by verbally abusive peers.
• Do not tell or teach a kid to fight back. Fighting back is the worst defense. In most instances, victimized children really are weaker and smaller than the bully—thus their fears of losing their fights may be quite real. Besides, not all bullying takes the form of physical aggression.  Reacting to any form of bullying actually increases the likelihood of continued victimization.
• Enroll your child in a social-skills group where children learn and practice skills in different situations.
• Increase the social opportunities of all kids, but especially victimized ones. Invite other children, and groups of children, over to the house. Encourage sleepovers. This is your job; parents are social engineers.
• Model good relationships at home.
• Shut off the TV: much programming reinforces the idea that aggression is the only way to deal with conflicts.
• Do not expect kids to work it out on their own. Given the influence of the peer groups and reputational factors in maintaining the behavior of bullies and victims, it is extremely unrealistic to expect kids to alter the dynamics of bullying by themselves.
• Always intervene. Adults have a crucial role to play in the socialization of children. And consistency counts. Any time adults do not intervene they are essentially training others to solve problems through aggression.
• Intervene at the level of the group. Let all kids know bullying is not OK. Declare emphatically: “This is not acceptable behavior. You can’t do this here.”
• Talk to your child’s teachers to find out what is normal behavior for children of that age group and to find out what the class atmosphere is like.
• Talk to other parents; where there’s one victimized child there are likely to be others.
• In the schools where bullying is prevalent there is a lack of support around reporting, speaking up, and making everyone aware of the issue.  Only consistent parental action can change this. Get the school involved. At the very least, ask that the school declare bullying off-limits. A change in the atmosphere of the school is not only possible, but helpful in reducing bullying.
• Go to the school administration and demand that bullies be transferred to other classes or schools. Every child has the right to a safe school environment.
• If all else fails, see that your child is transferred to another school. The same child may thrive in a different school with a group of children having different values.

Make sure the area where your child does their homework is well lit, quiet and free from distractions.  Let your child choose the order of subjects they want to do. Try to remember that education is about acquiring knowledge and skills and not about finishing 50 problems for math homework.  If your child can demonstrate a competency in an area by completing 10 or 20 problems within the allotted time, isn’t that the most important thing?

If you have a project or a large report to do, break down the tasks with your child and work on small parts every day. Read a portion of the book every day, taking notes or highlighting important facts, characters, and plot lines.  Do research and add those notes.  Write a rough draft.  Edit and produce a final copy. For a project, gather information and materials. Break down the tasks and do 1 or 2 parts each night till it’s done.  If you need more days to finish, this should be an accommodation on the IEP or 504 plans. These are strategies that children will use throughout their lives.

Stress and anxiety is a brick wall to learning.  If we can take those things out of the picture, children will have an easier time learning new things and retaining the information.  It’s important, as a parent, to protect a child’s emotional health. By providing these things and communicating to the teacher, you will enable your child to learn without all of the stress and anxiety.  You will find that these strategies work. 

You will find that the homework battles will go away and you and the teacher will have a clear understanding of what your child is able to do independently.  This also alleviates the anxiety and stress involved when kids look at the amount of work they have and give up before they even begin.  If they know that they are not stuck for the night doing an endless amount of work, they actually get quite a bit done.  My son would even tell me when the time ran out, 'Mom, I only have a couple left. I can finish it.'  Confidence and self esteem return.  You can start to be a parent again instead of the mean homework warden.  Every single parent that I have recommended this to has reported back to me that it's such a difference for their whole family and the homework wars go away. Try it. What have you got to lose, except for the nightly stress? 

Think about the last time you were in the grocery store and you realize you left the list of groceries on the kitchen table.  You feel unprepared as you go through the store trying to remember what was on the list, hoping you don’t forget something you really need and pretty much just trying to get it done, but knowing you’re not doing a really good job. You feel stressed and anxious because you’re wandering up and down the aisles randomly choosing things from the shelves.  Going back down aisles numerous times because something in another aisle reminds you of something you’ve forgotten.  It takes you twice as long and you spend too much.  Then you get home and look at the list and learn that you did indeed forget things and will have to go back.

This is how our kids feel every day.  They get to school and they’ve forgotten their homework, or their book.  They can’t find their assignment book.  They know they were supposed to have something for their math notebook signed by mom, but can’t remember what.  They start to get stressed knowing they’re going to get in trouble or even worse that they will get to class and not be able to participate because they don’t have their book.  Their brain is thinking that they don’t want to tell the teacher they forgot it again and that causes them to miss out on what the teacher is saying to the class and now they don’t even know what is going on.  It’s a vicious cycle.  How can we help? 

We can help by helping our kids to have good habits at home.  After school, unpack the backpack and look at everything that needs to be done.  Review the assignment book. Assignments should be in folders or binders, preferably colored for each subject.  My son used an accordion file with different colored tabs for each subject.  Then he only had to keep track of one item that went everywhere with him.  He would put all papers in it in the proper section.  Find what works for your child and stick with it.  Help your child make a plan for the evening based on what needs to be done.  When finished have him put everything back in the appropriate folder, etc., and then back into the backpack.  Place the backpack in the same spot all the time.  I recommend a hook right near the door.  Do this at night before bed, so everything is away and you’re not scrambling in the morning. 

If your child is involved in any activities, have a bag for every activity to keep all of the needed supplies together.  I suggest a soccer bag for soccer stuff, a baseball bag for baseball stuff, etc.  You don’t want to get to the big game and not have cleats.  (This has happened to me. Two hours away from home and we are hunting for a sports store to buy a pair.)  Plus you don’t want to hound your child throughout the day to make sure they have everything.  As I like to remind parents, we won’t be there forever to remind them, let’s help them be independent.  We can’t follow them to college, I’ve tried but for some reason my kids object.

I used to have to remind my son every morning about 30 times to brush his teeth, comb his hair, get his shoes, and get his homework.  I’d send him upstairs to do 3 things and it never failed, he would come down only having done 1 or 2.  So, to help him be more independent, I purchased a write on wipe off board and placed it on his bedroom door.  He wrote on it the things he needed to do in the mornings.  He wrote, ‘Brush Teeth, Comb Hair, Get Shoes, Get Gym Bag, and Feed Fish’. He would then check them off as he had done them.  Erasing the checkmarks at night.  I never had to remind him of what he had to do again.  He is independent.  Our mornings are much nicer and there is much less stress for him when he gets to school.  He can even add things that don’t relate to school that he wants to do, like call his friend to go to a movie or rent a video game.  Of course, he still occasionally forgets something, (the disability never goes away), but it only happens once in a great while and let’s face it we all forget things sometimes.

Not all things work for every child, but keep trying things and you’ll figure out what works for your child.  Give each thing you try at least two weeks before giving up and trying something new, don’t forget, we’re trying to help our child learn a routine which takes time.  I now put my list in my bag as soon as I’ve finished writing it.  I rarely forget it on the table.  And my grocery shopping is much less stressful.  Good luck.

Max began to have problems in math in first grade. His parents sat up with him night after night as he struggled with his homework. One day when Max was in third grade he screamed and tore up his math homework, refusing to go to school until he knew all the multiplication facts. His father yelled. His mother cried.

In sixth grade Max couldn’t make sense of factor trees. He couldn’t figure out how to solve equations. His parents found a tutor who came to the house twice a week. Max did a little better the second semester. He got a C, although the F he received the first semester embarrassed him so much he never told any of his friends.

By sixth grade, Max “knew for certain” he was a math dummy. He dreaded math class. Every time the teacher called on him, his heart raced. He couldn’t think. He stalled for time. He blinked back the tears. He told himself it would be over soon.

Then algebra class! The teacher expected him to have all the math facts memorized. She expected him to understand factor trees. She expected him to solve equations. Max hated school.
“Terrorized” by math all through school, Max believed he would never be successful in any math class. Therefore, he “just knew” he couldn’t pass the statistics class and Max “just knew” that he would never be admitted to the business program that was his dream.

In this area of his academic life, Max had lost sight of his power to achieve. He had relinquished his creative spark and had replaced it with despair and expectations of failure. He had believed in math failure for so long that it had become his reality.

An Effective Educational Perspective
When Max and I began working together, I explained to him that he was intelligent but that somewhere along the way he began to believe in limitations and had stopped trusting his natural intellect and gifts. He had come to believe that he couldn’t learn. I encouraged him to trust in his great talents and to let me create for him a program of study and learning that maximized his brain’s ability to understand and remember information. He had the natural gifts to succeed, and with the right kind of practice and encouragement, he could be a star at math!
When Max achieved an A in the statistics class and was accepted to the business program, his comment to me was, “Math has long been a sore spot for me academically and I think finally changed the tides!” Several months after starting his business classes, I heard from him that he was getting the highest grades in his class!

Unfortunately, Max suffered with self-doubts all through school. He lived with the “knowledge” that he was a math dummy. His doubts about his intelligence seeped into other aspects of his life. He didn’t always trust his own judgment. He relied more on the opinions of others than he did on his own beliefs and desires. If Max had received more guidance in developing a self-empowering perspective earlier in life, he would have had more faith in his ability to succeed and would have more academic successes to look back on.

Facilitating Academic Success
Parents and educational professionals can open the door to a student’s belief in self-empowerment. Empowered students believe in their ability to succeed. They understand the degree of control they have in their educational experience. They see themselves as the most important factor in their own success. They know they are destined to achieve their dreams.

Not until students believe in success will success be an achievable reality. As a student mobilizes his or her belief system to make academic success a habit of belief, emotional barriers and learned helplessness melt away. Students find joy in academics. They learn to approach challenging tasks with a renewed sense of belief and confidence that ignites the energy they need to be academic stars.
One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is to view him or her as a strong student. Find every opportunity to notice your child’s academic strengths. As your happy thoughts, pleased gazes and complimentary words reflect back to your child the qualities he or she wishes to develop, they will begin to flower.

Talk with your child about his innate intelligence and skills. Express your belief in his abilities and his let him know you are confident he can learn anything and everything he wants to learn! Let him know how proud you are of him and his unique talents. Help him get in touch with his gifts and be clear with him that he can become skillful in any and every area he chooses.

Direct attention toward a child’s academic problem only long enough to find a solution. Then turn your undivided attention to that solution. See each student as a successful and confident star. Holding the view of students as powerful achievers is the key to their self-transformation.

Resist the urge to notice problems and deficiencies because your child will be encouraged to “know” that he or she is “stupid.” Help your child believe in success and you will keep your child on the path toward self-esteem and achievement in all endeavors.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance
Individuals who understand their strengths and limitations, who realize that they have many talents, and who do not define themselves in terms of their weaknesses, are more resilient to life’s challenges than those who see themselves as overall failures.

Proactivity
Engaging in a variety of activities and interacting with different types of people encourages individuals to understand the power they have to create their own lives. Proactive (as opposed to reactive) individuals believe in their capacity to achieve. They look for opportunities to grow. They do not blame others for their problems; instead they take responsibility for their own part in their situation and realize they can change their circumstances with their own actions.

Perseverance
Successful people see their setbacks or failures as temporary, not as life-defining. They don’t give up in their belief in their goals. When they encounter setbacks, they reevaluate, making adjustments if necessary, rather than continuing on a non-productive course of action.

Goal setting
People who are successful have learned how to set long-term goals. They also have developed the capacity to break the long-term goal into bite-size pieces that represent actions they can take to achieve their goal. They are flexible, being open to unexpected opportunities, yet they don’t lose site of their overall goal.

Use of effective support systems
Both successful and unsuccessful individuals have support systems; however, the successful individuals learn to set realistic, achievable goals. They learn to seek support when they need it, rather than waiting passively for help to be offered.

Strong emotional coping strategies
Those who develop ways to reduce stress, feelings of failure, isolation, and the desire to quit, find the internal resources to persist until they succeed. Successful individuals have learned to identify situations that can trigger negative reactions, they can monitor their internal reactions to sense when negative reactions are present, and they have a set of strategies to reduce these negative reactions so they can keep on track.

Marshall H. Raskind, PhD, Roberta J. Goldberg, PhD, Eleanor L. Higgins, PhD, and Kenneth L. Herman, PhD, of the Frostig Center in Pasadena, California, have developed a guide for parents that helps them mentor their special needs child to success. It is entitled Life Success for Children with Learning Disabilities—A Parent Guide.